In the business of making bad, good....

I've really been struggling about what to write on this blog. I just can't seem to find the words to clearly describe what we experienced last time we went out. We're going out tomorrow so I figured I might as well sit down and try before more happens and my poor little brain has to digest even more.

When we go out on the streets the spiritual warfare is very present. You can feel forces of evil and good all around you; and I say that not trying to sound like a freak or that I have some magical power of sense. It's so powerful you can't help but notice. Sometimes it's more noticeable than others. But in the midst of it, in the middle of the battle field, God is constantly with us pouring his water on our little seed of faith. Lets just say I'm a very needy plant that needs a lot of watering.

I must say that I feel that my faith is still very immature. I would say my faith is truly about 6 years old and it came from circumstance, not study. I feel that I still have a lot of growing to do and to tell you the truth I don't foresee a time in my life that that will ever change. Because I know from experience that when I think I've got it figured out the cookie quickly crumbles.

Last time we were out (about 2 weeks ago I guess) we were totally beaten up mentally, emotionally and spiritually not to mention verbally. There were two men sitting on the sidewalk and we asked them if they would like some crackers and water and they did so we got out and gave them some. One of them asked us if he could ask us a question and he started talking about the bible and God and how we should be feeding the people spiritually and not physically. We should be handing out the word, not crackers and water. He went on to say how so many on the streets were spiritually starving, how the crackers we gave him would enter his body and then soon leave. So at this point I'm thinking maybe he's right, maybe we're just going through the motions. Generally we don't go out beating people over the head with the bible. Our main goal when we go out is just to love and respect people that don't get treated as human much less with respect. As I mentioned earlier my faith came from circumstance, not study, and it certainly didn't come from someone reciting bible verses to me. Believe me, I know God's word is alive and very real. I've read my bible, I've underlined and highlighted passages and I've soaked the pages with my tears but there's no way I could throw up bible verses on someone by memory.

I may not know God's word by heart but what I do know is God's love and mercy He's shown me. All I do when I go out on the streets is recycle it. That's ALL I know.

So going back to the guy .... he started getting excited and talking louder and throwing bible verses at us expecting us to recite them from memory, because after all we were the Christians handing out food to the homeless so we should know these things. When we couldn't tell him what it said he started yelling at us telling us we needed to go home and read. Then all the sudden, religion turned racial. At this point you could see his excitement, he couldn't sit down and talk anymore, he had to stand up for the upcoming production.

"Everyone thinks Jesus is white but they're wrong...He was black....when blood dries what color is it.... BLACK. When someone hits you in the eye and it bruises what color does it turn...BLACK!

This had turned into a very heated racial discussion that started out with God. When Scottie and I tried to tell him we didn't care what color Jesus was, that it didn't matter to us, he would get even more excited and would yell "It does matter, it does matter." He didn't allow us any opportunity to talk so we just stood there and took the beating.

When things were starting to get out of hand I finally said we had to leave, we had more water and crackers to pass out. We left him and the other man that was there with him yelling at each other over whether Jesus was black or not and whether or not it mattered. We were totally exhausted from the beating we had just taken and decided to go talk to Kenneth.

There's no doubt in my mind that God wanted us to go talk to Kenneth right after that encounter. God was about to use him as His water hose! Kenneth is one of our very good friends from the streets. Trust and respect is mutually shared between all of us. The thing about Kenneth, and he told us this when we first met him, is that he is on a different level. Sometimes, no I take that back, anytime when Kenneth speaks it's like talking to the Riddler.....like he's talking in some sort of code. But the reality of it is, his speech is simple and childlike and very complex and meaningful all at the same time.

It was like Kenneth knew what had just happened to us and one of the first things he said as he leaned up against the wall was "you know, Jesus was in the business of making bad things into good. Things start going wrong when people start making bad out of good." That's just what we had experienced...making bad out of good. He went on to say that's our goal in life..to try and make what's bad good.

So as we were talking I was still thinking about what the previous guy had said about what we were doing really wasn't helping anyone. So I just went ahead and asked Kenneth what he thought. What was his perception of us coming out and did it make a difference? He said about 75% of the people really appreciated us coming out and the rest were indifferent.

He said sometimes a table doesn't look like a table to everyone. They don't see what you see. I sat there gazing at him like a child when they first see the ocean. I understood what he just said and my faith was being watered.

He said “You know, I have an ID because I have to have one but that’s not who I am. That’s not my identity. My identity is who I am within this universe. A lot of people out here have ID’s but don’t have identities, they are the walking dead. They don’t know who they are and don’t realize they are a part of the universe.” He looks around and says “all of this around us is fiction. The only thing that is reality is that grass and that tree over there. Everything else is fiction; it’s a product of someone’s imagination. That telephone pole over there used to be a tree but no one calls it a tree any more because someone has made it into something else. Its identity has changed.

This was also something that made sense to me but confused me at the same time. I was thinking is your identity "who God made you to be” or “be who you’ve become”??? Is your identity something you’re blessed with before you are born or is it something that is developed and shown to you over time?

If this makes no sense to you at all it's okay and if it does make sense to you and you're disturbed that's okay too.

Do you live in a world of fiction or are you in touch with reality. Are you a part of the walking dead or do you know your identity? Difficult question? Yes! Let it bother you and see where it takes you.

We'll see how God disturbs me tomorrow. Till then.

Britney & Scottie